Defecation: How to do it quickly, easily, efficiently, and as clean as possible? Not getting useful advice....?

I think you are developing an obsession and that is more in the mental health category, if it continues. What is considered normal, is a bowel movement every four days to several times a day, depending on the individual. Most go once a day. If the stool is proper consistency, it forms into "logs", basically, and doesn't leave much feces behind. Adjustments in dietary fiber or using a stool softener affects that. For wiping, I have a few friends who use baby wipes or moistened towelettes to get extra clean. But you are at risk of damaging yourself if you continue these obsessive habits, and that would cause much more trouble then you have now with feces! Hope this helps, but if you find you are still sooo focused on this, you may need to see a mental health specialist.